Hey! its been a while. Well life’s been busy, which is good, keeps me from overthinking but its exhausting, mentally and physically exhausting. Past few days or even weeks haven’t been so great and there is no exact reason to pinpoint but just life being life. Can’t keep the façade that I am fine 24x7 days a week right? It was about time I burst and so I did.
When I had a whole breakdown on the side of road because I was too overwhelmed, I realized this wont work. It not only opened the floodgates of my eyes but also my head’s. That feeling of restlessness was back, which brought me here to word vomit. Maybe its the constant bickering and clashes with parents, menstrual hormones, self-doubt which I thought I have worked on but that bitch came crawling back, or just a dark cloud hovering above me from past few days. Just nothing is going right and I am snapping on every second person. This made me fall into a downward spiral and I am still figuring a way out.
So what I read was we often project our worst qualities onto others and then use it to dislike and judge them, making us the biggest hypocrites. Now the psychologists suggest to use our judgment of others as a mirror to show ourselves the workings of our own mind, and every person’s reflection can become a lesson. So yes I started comparing my worst qualities to the classmates that annoy me, or some random dude in bus who was too loud for my liking and let me tell you this retrospection is not good lmao, gives a reality check you will definitely not like. But its necessary nonetheless.
Maybe my lesson here should be to let go, simply LET GO. Half my problems would be solved if I stopped taking things to heart, like I am sorry I wear my heart on my sleeves and it comes off as rude. I will do better.
This was again a rant of probably the worst month of this year and we are only half done, great! That too pride month god hates me for real.