I like my company.
I had a craving for half-fry from this amazing restaurant near where I live. I haven’t had that in a year because of lockdown. So, I walked to that place and instantly my mind thought what if someone from college sees me here and thinks “oh she is skipping college for this?” It was one fleeting thought but it was there nonetheless. But honestly, who cares? Because one bite of that half-fry and I forgot all about it. It was heavenly.
Sometimes you need time to come in terms with yourself. You need to become your own best friend. It is in those moments when you get to know yourself better. Just like talking to your friends makes you realize their likes and dislikes, similarly spending time with yourself let’s you know about your dreams and ambitions.
Maybe you are alone because you are hiding in that secluded basement of your mind, or maybe you just need a break from the chaos that your life has become, whatever maybe the reason, some me time is always helpful to calm down. We live in a hyper connected society, where we update our current location with the world constantly (rich coming from me who constantly sends snaps but hear me out). We’ve become so used to being surrounded by people, that we have forgotten how to be alone by ourselves. Is it really necessary for you to go out with your friends who are going to pass a nasty comment on your choice of food? Nah, I don’t think so, going out with friends is awesome but there are some things you must enjoy without any over thinking.
The social expectation from this world doesn’t let us have those few minutes of peace. This need to be an extrovert and outgoing person and forcing people to go out, only makes their simple experiences complicated. It should happen at that particular person’s pace, you and I cannot force them. We need to stop bothering our friends who don’t like to hang out much and rather love staying at home. Yeah, once in a while is okay, we do need to leave the four walls of our room and our minds but maybe don’t impose your likeness of staying out on them? I don’t think it’s too much to ask. This negative connotation against solitude needs to stop. Some people prefer to watch movies alone, eat alone, or simply be alone for a bit, I for one spends time chatting to my friends sitting thousands of miles away from me and this shouldn’t be seen as a problem. Also, fyi solitude is not loneliness. It is a deep self-exploration of one’s soul, and I am not even talking about it. I am talking about spending time with yourself. YOU are the only one who knows if you’re lonely. And after all, everyone person is temporary and might leave you some day but you will always have yourself.
Contrary to what I wrote above, and since I’ve been using this space to rant about my feelings, I want to say how grateful I am of my two little cousins, who have kept me engaged with their questions and bickering no matter how stupid. I used to think about getting out when living with them and the lack of privacy I had, but I got so used to their constant presence that a day without them made me lose my mind. This was because I genuinely felt lonely in that moment, and my first thought was if I were with them right now they would’ve probably rambled about some episode of Shinchan and I would’ve listened keenly. So yeah, company of your loved ones is precious. When the self-doubting thoughts cloud your mind, distracting yourself or talking to someone on any random stuff helps.
(This was written a week ago, but I went to eat alone today at the tiffin center and I miss my roommate. I said eating alone is great but only if the food is extremely great. This is so not the case when you have to eat from a tiffin center or hostel mess. I can’t swallow that food without talking to you roomie.)
So this is not me asking you to confine yourselves. This is me asking you to experience few things in lives on your own, whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood, or a movie at cinema, grabbing a bite at the place you always wished to go but couldn’t because you didn’t have anyone that shared the same likeness, go shopping alone, and maybe even travel alone. I know we don’t do most of it because we are scared of being alone but don't let this fear stop you from enjoying what you always wanted to.
